Child Birth is No Joke!

Yep…child birth is no joke.  I’m sure many of you out there already know this, but I did not.  I thought, sure, it’s going to hurt.  A little bit of pain, okay maybe a lot of pain, some he-he-hooooooooo and out would come a baby.  Let me tell you the truth.  Let’s get real.  Child birth is freaking crazy!  The pain, the waiting, the pain, the baby, the joy, the after pain…

I wanted to write this post so I can remember all of the events of this painful joyous day.  It’s limited TMI, but feel free to skip to the end and just check out our cute baby!!

9/10/11-due date.  No baby.

9/14/11-Ultra sound.  It’s a girl boy?!  Induction scheduled for 9/20/11

9/15/11-Last day at work.  No baby.

9/18/11-BFF’s birthday.  No baby.

Monday 9/19/11 9pm-Did I just pee my pants??

9:15pm-Did I just pee my pants…again?  No…my water just broke and my hair’s not done.  Damn!  Side note: my husband’s only request during my pregnancy was to not go into labor on a Monday.  Request denied.  Now we’re even for the Christmas ornaments😉

9:20pm-Shower and do my hair because who greets a new baby without your hair done.  Right?

10:15pm-Husband makes coffee and I tell him to take his time because I’M ONLY LEAKING FLUID HERE!

10:30pm-Check into the labor and delivery triage.  Nurse confirms, yep my water broke and those cramps that I have been having those are contractions.  Dilated to about 2.

1:30am-Get moved to a labor and delivery room, go to the bathroom and get moved back to triage.  They need the room for someone having a baby RIGHT NOW and apparently that’s not me.

2:30am-Get moved to a labor and delivery room again now to stay.  Pitocin drip stated.  Dilated to about 2.

2:35am-First contraction rips thru like a freight train.  Wow…that didn’t feel good.

2:40am-Second contraction even worse.

2:45am-Husband wonders if he left the coffee pot on and wants to go home to check it.  Third contraction hits and I wonder if I am going to die during child birth like in the movies. The headline will read, “Woman dies during childbirth while husband is turning coffee pot off”.

2:50am-Husband really wants to go home and check coffee pot.  I’m thinking it’s just a ploy to go get more coffee since the cafeteria is closed and really I could care less if the house burns down right now….I’m about to DIE in pain!  Oh, and another contraction.

2:55am-Contraction-unbelievable pain.  Nurse recommends I try and get some sleep.  Guess she’s not aware of the thriving pain I’m in.  How about I prove it by throwing up.  Done.

3:00am-Contraction-unbelievable pain.  Nurse asks if I want to try sitting on a “birthing ball” (which by the way is just an exercise ball…why do they have to call it a birthing ball.  I’m not going to birth anything while working on my core).  Pass on the birthing ball.

Contraction-unbelievable pain.  This little scene plays out every five minutes from 2:35am to 6am.

6:00am-My doctor stops by and tells me I’m dilated to 2.  A 2???  WTF!!!  I’m convinced this is the baby that will never come out.  I’m 10 days overdue, 8 hours past my water breaking and 3.5 hours into the pinball of pain from pitocin and I’m dilated to a 2????  Did this baby not get the memo to GET OUT!

I think for fear of his life the doctor agrees that when the nurse checks me at 8am if I’m at a 3 I can get the epidural.

8:00am-Nurse comes into the room and declares I’m at a 3.  wink. wink. and orders the epidural I’m certain as a show of mercy.

8:15am-My favorite person in all of the world and new BFF shows up…the anesthesiologist.  Oh wonderful person wielding large needle of joy where have you been the last 41 weeks.

I had watched an episode of Baby Story where the epidural only took on one side of a patient.  I recounted this story to my husband and mom and laughed about how awful that would be.  Karma was apparently in the neighborhood and paid me a visit.  The epidural began to wear off quickly on my left side leaving me with intense back pain.  My new BFF was able to adjust the epidural a little, but I still had a lot of feeling on the left side and zero feeling of the right side.

Fast forward to 4:45pm (we all know how babies are born) our baby is born and I hear the doctor say, “It’s a boy?!”.  Yep, our little girl was indeed a boy.  The cutest boy you have ever seen!

The pictures below were taken by a photographer that I have idolized for years and I am thankful to know her now as a friend, Kimberly Jarmen.  Meet our little surprise Andrew Patrick.

Oh I could just squeeze and kiss this little face all day!

It’s hard work being such a cute baby model!  He looks a little cross eyed in this, but I promise he’s not!

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